"How to..." handle disappointment - Acts 27

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Theme: How to… handle disappointment

Our lesson for this morning on how to handle disappointment comes from one of the stories we had this week at VBS. It comes from Acts 27:39-44, where Paul and his companions encounter a life-threatening storm on the Mediterranean Sea:

Acts 27:39-44 When it was day, they did not recognize the land; but they observed a bay with a beach, onto which they planned to run the ship if possible. 40 And they let go the anchors and left them in the sea, meanwhile loosing the rudder ropes; and they hoisted the mainsail to the wind and made for shore. 41 But striking a place where two seas met, they ran the ship aground; and the prow stuck fast and remained immovable, but the stern was being broken up by the violence of the waves. 42 And the soldiers' plan was to kill the prisoners, lest any of them should swim away and escape. 43 But the centurion, wanting to save Paul, kept them from their purpose, and commanded that those who could swim should jump overboard first and get to land, 44 and the rest, some on boards and some on parts of the ship. And so it was that they all escaped safely to land. (NKJV)

At VBS, we used the lesson about Paul’s shipwreck to talk about patience and waiting on God’s plan. This is really another way of talking about how to handle disappointment. When we asked the kids what kinds of things are hard to wait for, they said things like, waiting for the school bus, waiting for their birthday, or waiting for a new lego set.

As you can tell, these types of disappointments are trivial compared to what Paul was going through or even what the typical adult goes through. But they are important because they play in role in determining the habits we set up from early on to handle disappointment. How a child learns to react to not getting the type of toy they want will have a lasting impact on how they handle later disappointments -perhaps related to work, health, or finances.

In our lesson today I’d like to look at a few simple tips to keep in mind when thinking about disappointment. These are not tips that magically make things better. Rather, they serve to keep us focused on what really can help us when we are let down – Jesus. For the moment, let’s recap Paul’s journey up to Acts 27. What we see here is a series of major disappointments.   

·       Paul was waiting to get to Rome to be held as a prisoner and most likely executed for his faith, all for nothing more than preaching the Word of God without shame.

·       Skirting along the Aegean coast.

·       Stopped at Crete and considered wintering (Paul’s advice)

·       Had to fasten the ship together with ropes

·       Tossed all the cargo overboard

·       No sun or stars for several days

·       After the 14^th day of struggle, they risked a minor mutiny. Some sailors attempted to steal a lifeboat and escape. In a desperate attempt to save them Paul had to notify the centurion.

The first tip: think of what is well-known and simple in life.

In verses 33-34 in Acts 27, Paul does something strange. In the midst of this horrific storm, from which few if any of the men thought they would survive, Paul tells them to stop working to save the ship and have something to eat. Imagine being told something similar in the middle of a life or death situation. Eating is a simple task we do every day. Yes, it is necessary for survival but not in the very moment.

What was Paul’s rationale? He explained saying, do this “since not a hair will fall from your head.” God has made His promise to Paul – that not one passenger from that ship would perish so long as they didn’t try to take matters in to their own hands. That’s why Paul told the sailors not to try to escape. That’s why he told the crew to sit down and eat. Paul’s message was: You’re safe in the big problems – take care of yourself in the little problems.

This seems like sound advice when you’re sitting in relative peace and comfort. But if any one of us were on that ship, wouldn’t we also fight as much as we could for survival? Certainly the most difficult thing would be to sit still and do the mundane, ordinary things that seem so unnecessary in the time of crisis. There’s a parallel to our lives even in our safest moments. You don’t have to face a life or death situation to go through this because life itself is a constant life or death situation – not always of our physical lives but of our spiritual lives.

Paul had peace because God had spoken on the matter and Paul believed God. The same is true of the war against our souls that rages beneath of the surface of what is seen on earth. When we get caught up in disappointment perhaps one reason is that we’re forgetting the simple things God has spoken about. We’re forgetting that He has taken care of the big problems, so that we can focus on the little problems. God gently reminds of this throughout His Word in so many places.

Romans 8:31-32 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 

Matthew 6:25-26 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 

John 14:1-2 "Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. 2 "In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 

Mary and Martha

If you’re struggling with disappointment, maybe your focus has been shifted away from the accomplishments God has achieved by His Son.

The second tip: Be honest about the scope of the disappointment

When we get disappointed, we tend to overestimate the importance of the situation and the effect it will have on our lives. Sometimes, we attribute this attitude only to little children or teenagers, who seem to rise and fall each day based on how their expectations are met. But the truth is that we all do this.

We could mention some of the same things as we did in part one to talk about re-shaping our view of the scope of disappointment. But, how does this play out practically in life? Let’s look at Paul. He shows an amazingly measured view of what was going on in his life. While we don’t know everything about Paul’s inner feelings or emotions in these last years of his life, the portrait we get in the Scriptures indicates someone who is stable in at peace with their situation in life. If someone would have grounds for feeling that everything was spinning out of control and losing all hope it would have to be Paul.

It’s more than just the story of the shipwreck that needs to be considered at this point. As crazy of a story as this was, it was just another bump along the road of Paul’s life. In fact, it was actually the third time he had been shipwrecked. When they did reach land on the island of Malta, Paul was bitten by a viper and the inhabitants wanted to worship him as a god. In this journey alone he had already been a prisoner for some time, awaiting more bondage in Rome. He knew this was probably an eventual march to his martyrdom. This idea about his death had to been a constant shadow over Paul throughout this whole process. It’s hard enough to be faced with disappointment after disappointment, but it’s another level of pain when it’s for a cause that is going to lead you to death.

What practical advice do we get from Paul? What we see is the fruit of a lifetime of study in God’s Word, trust in Jesus as Lord and Savior, and constant prayer to God. Sometimes these fruits go unnoticed and underappreciated because we don’t get to see them in other peoples’ lives. And so, sometimes we then exaggerate the scope of our own disappointments, taking a defeatist attitude. But every moment in God’s Word and grace is a precious and powerful moment for strength of faith and renewal of divine optimism in Jesus. Don’t misuse your opportunities – like prayer, Bible studies, conversations with fellow members, and participation in the Lord’s Supper. These are the practical ways that God keeps your focus on Him.  [2 Timothy 4:6-8]

The third tip: Set your expectations according to God’s plan.

I’d say the number one reason we get disappointed is because our expectations aren’t met. It’s important to understand the difference between your expectations and God’s plan. Sometimes we think that the two are always aligned because we’re Christians. However, as sinners our expectations are often much different than God’s plan. It’s easy to attach “Christian” to something like a sticker, only to have it peel away in time. How often do we let God define what is part of His own plan? As weird as that sounds, it’s often the one thing we struggle to do the most. When we get disappointed in life, we can end up allowing that disappointment to spill into the way we look at God. (cycle develops)

We don’t know what Paul’s expectations were. Without a doubt, like all sinners, he had expectations that were misguided or fell short. Our hope here is not to fix that. Expectations are like air the air we breathe, no matter how hard we try we’ll never rid ourselves of them because they come naturally and we’ll always have them. Looking at this from the perspective of faith, there is a proper place for expectations in our lives, when they are dependent on God. We call this by a different name – hope. 

Hope is when we have reason to expect something from God based on faith. So our goal is not to rid ourselves of expectations, but rather build our hope in Jesus. If that’s what we do, then we will never be disappointed. But if we’re consumed by the expectations we set up for ourselves, or that we feel pressured to accept from others, we will be overcome by disappointment. It’s really a matter of what is most important in your life, or what occupies the most real estate in your heart. God or man?

So while we don’t know what Paul’s expectations were, we do know that God’s plan was most important to him. Whether is was a shipwreck or wretched days and nights in a storm, the impending knowledge of a painful execution, or the heartache of hearing the precious gospel message rejected, Paul was never overcome by disappointment because God’s plan and purpose was at the core of his faith.

To have this faith in Jesus makes you the strongest person you can be – ready and able to meet any challenge you face. But it also implicitly means that you are vulnerable and able to humbly submit to God and rely on Jesus for needed blessing – most of all the forgiveness of sins. Therein lies the challenge and the reason why we so often slip into disappointment. But with and through Jesus there is reason for hope.   

None of these tips will erase the reality of disappointment in your life but they can minimize its impact. These tips work this way not because of how well you follow them but because they help you shift your focus to Jesus and not yourself. Any tip that works like this in life is powerful in its effect.