Theme: From Frustration to Faithfulness
1.
In your marriage
2.
In your faith
Ephesians
5:22-33 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband
is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and
is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives
should submit in everything to their husbands.
25
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for
her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water
with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor,
without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without
blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own
bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own
flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30
because we are members of his body. 31 "Therefore a man shall leave his
father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one
flesh."
32
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the
church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the
wife see that she respects her husband. (ESV).
We
don’t like it when things in life are out of our control. Oftentimes that makes
us frustrated and angry. But more important than being in control, since we
know that’s not possible in everything, is how you respond to not having
control. Take two examples from events in our life this past week. Micah’s
birthday was last Saturday. One of his gifts was a download of a computer game
that he has wanted for quite some time. So, in great anticipation, we made the
purchase and downloaded the game. It took some time to complete, but once it
was done we started it up to play. As soon as we clicked the PLAY button, an
error message popped up on the screen telling us that our graphics card
couldn’t run the game. Okay, maybe we needed to restart the program or restart
the computer. We tried both – same error. Ultimately, it is out of our control
– our computer just isn’t equipped to run the game. We’ll have to wait until we
get a newer computer.
Another
situation. For a while now we’ve been trying to potty train Lukas. He
understands the general point, but he’s scared to do it. Okay, not a big deal,
we can gradually work him into it. That’s what we’ve been trying to do the last
couple of months. Well, he reached a point in the last couple of weeks where
he’s simply done going in a diaper, but he still doesn’t want to go on the
toilet. We try explaining it to him – “You gotta go buddy, you’ll feel better,”
but he doesn’t really care or understand. Right now his impulse not to
go is stronger than his rationale for going. We try persuading him, “You can
pick out a hot wheels car or you can have a gummy bear.” Again, it’s enticing
for a moment, and he may agree, but he quickly backtracks when the time comes
for action. Ultimately, it’s out of our control. He simple has to get to get to
a point where he’s comfortable with it.
Both
situations are frustrating to a degree, but for different reasons. And the way
we respond to that frustration is different for each, even though they are both
out of our control. The situation with Lukas is more complicated than the
situation with the computer. With Lukas, when dealing with a something out of
our control that is directly tied to another person, you have a host of
variables – knowledge, human will, stubbornness, attitude, temperament that
day. Addressing that situation is more complicated than working with a computer
program.
We
have a topic today, an institution in fact, that causes frustration for the
same reasons. Marriage is a difficult thing, at times, because you’re
committing yourself to someone who will do things that are out of your control.
And even bigger than that, marriage was instituted by God who takes care of
matters beyond our control, and who asks us to trust Him faithfully in those
matters. So much of marriage is dealing with those frustrations and working
together with your spouse in areas that you don’t have full control. And
here’s the point – too often we treat that situation like it’s a program,
rather than a person. We convince ourselves that situations in a marriage
should be easy, straightforward, and should align perfectly with how we want
things to be done. But that’s simply not the case, and there’s no clearer
example of that than the very God-given roles we see described here in
Ephesians.
It
should be said from the start that the difficulty in this text is not with God.
He is clear throughout. So long as you understand the meaning of the words
used, you can understand God’s intent. We must be clear, neither God, nor His
Word, are what makes marriage difficult. Some want to place to blame squarely
on God’s shoulders, though. If He didn’t have so many rules… If He wasn’t so
picky… If He just let people live and love in whatever ways they want… we
wouldn’t have so many problems. That’s the assumption. It’s not surprising
that the arguments against God extend also to believers and those who seek to
use His Word faithfully. It’s common to hear among the world, and perhaps even
among ourselves at times, that the Church just cares too much about being strict
with marriage. But the difficulty is not with God. What He says here is clear
and simple.
The
difficulty is that to listen and apply what God says here, there has to be a
willingness to accept and handle what is out of your control; with your spouse,
with the world, and with God. The text really divides into three categories –
what God says to wives. What God says to husbands. And how this relates to
faith in Jesus. So God says, Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the
Lord. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in
everything to their husbands.
God’s
guidelines for marriage, the safe zone, is partly dictated by wives who are
willing to respect their husbands as the head of the family. This is not easy
because it involves the wife willingly accepting this role with full knowledge
that she will have to trust her husband, and in a bigger sense, God. She has to
be content with things beyond her control because God asks her to rely on her
husband in this sense. Even when he isn’t the shining example of love, when he
fails to lead adequately, and when he sins directly against her – God is asking
the wife to respond appropriately to those things beyond her control.
This proper response is respect, and it follows the pattern of how the believer
submits to Christ’s authority by faith.
This
role of the wife is often the element of marriage that our society despises most.
It’s seen as demeaning and unfair – a relic of bygone generations of lesser
civilized nations. Those sentiments could have an element of truth to them, but
only when sinners distort what God is saying – either by what they believe or
by how they act.
Ultimately,
this section is about expressing the positives of marriage and the
boundaries God set up. It’s not a “you shall not” section of Scripture. God is
giving us this incredible insight into a complex mystery, almost like an
antidote to a deadly disease. He tells us, “Here it is, this will help you out
in your life and even into eternity.” It’s simple. It’s clear. But, too often the
human response is to forego that live-saving antidote because we don’t want to
prick our skin with the needle. We willingly give up on God’s guidelines and standards,
His safeguards on marriage, because we don’t want to put our pride on the
sidelines. We’d rather indulge ourselves in our frustration at having to deny
our own interests in some way.
The
same tendency is inherent within men, for God has an equally important
expectation for them when it comes to leading and displaying unconditional
love. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave
himself up for her, 28 In the same way [as Christ and the Church] husbands
should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves
himself.
God
expects husbands to love their wives in the same way that Christ loved
the Church. Therefore, although the husband has a leadership role in the
family, and the wife is asked to submit to that leadership – both are expected
to serve one other. The Biblical essence of leadership is not about taking
power in what we want or depriving others. Rather, it’s the exact opposite –
using your God-given power to serve the other over and above yourself. This is
the husband’s role, and if you think submitting is difficult, consider for a
moment that God uses His own perfect Son, the Savior of the whole who humbled
Himself as the Chosen leader of salvation, as the example for husbands. That’s
a high standard and an extremely difficult task.
Godly
husbands face situations out of their control as well. To love unconditionally
means that the object of your love is not always deserving. You can’t control
other people’s actions, even your wife’s, yet the charge from God to love as
Christ does not waver one bit. To be the kind of leader that puts other’s needs
before your own involves doing that even without always understanding why it
must be that way. A husband is not called to serve only when the reasons align
with his plans or thinking. He is to use his strength, as a leader, to guide
and serve in all areas – even those that are beyond his control.
Because
both the wife and the husband have unique roles, they will feel the
difficulties of these roles in unique ways. But one thing will always be true –
they will need to accept the fact that they are not in complete control. To
join yourself to someone so deeply as in the marriage commitment necessitates
this reality. Paul quotes from Genesis to confirm this – the husband and wife
are joined in marriage in an inseparable way and that means relying on each
other as complementary pieces. Notice, complementary inherently means that each
individual is different and is called to a different role. A marriage that
ignores or resists God’s unique callings for wife and husband will lose this
bonding element.
But
when you’re dealing with things beyond your control, you’re also entering the
realm of faith. Hebrews defines faith as “the substance of things hoped for,
and the evidence of things not seen.” Paul elaborates on hope by saying, “Hope
that is seen is not hope, for why does one still hope for what he sees?” That’s
characterized elsewhere as, Walking by faith and not by sight.” When
marriage involves two unique roles that require a proper response to things out
of our control, you can be sure that marriage requires faith.
It’s
not that you have faith in one another, at least in the same sense as trusting
God. It’s also not that you need to have faith in Jesus to be married. Marriage
is ultimately a gift from God for this life. The faith in marriage finds its
source in Jesus and leads to a richer and more fulfilled use of this gift from
God. And so, within the husband/wife bond itself, God designed a picture of His
bond to you as a believer – “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that
it refers to Christ and the church.”
God
is not just saying that marriage is reflection of the believer’s relationship
with Christ. Just as marriage is more than boundary, so it is also more than an
analogy. God’s ultimate purpose in this connection is to show you where
marriage moves from boundary to blessing – where the power to change your
marriage comes from. This is not just the blessing of a having a lifetime companion,
but the blessing of faith in Christ. Trusting Jesus as your Savior, yet another
activity that involves matters beyond your control, will bring another level of
profound blessing on your marriage. The boundaries that are meant to protect
you will continue to exist, but in Christ you are taken to a new level of
confidence in God’s plan, and hope in continual forgiveness for wrongs against
one another.
But
just like submission and love, so trusting Jesus can be a source of frustration
at times. It’s a matter that we can’t control, that we don’t dictate. Faith is
not about our power or what we want to make of our lives. At its core, faith is
complete dependency on Jesus as your sole Redeemer and Savior. That absolutely
takes you out of the driver’s seat and into full reliance on Jesus. But,
despite that loss of personal control, what a blessed result that produces –
peace and hope in life and the promise of an eternity in heaven.
So,
what is your response to the frustrations of marriage? Well, my hope is that
it’s same as your response to faith in Jesus, turning back again to His Word of
grace and relying by faith in Him as Your Lord and Savior.
Make
no mistake, this is not a computer problem. Working with the unknowns of
another person or building your trust in God is not a simple process of
exchanging parts or re-wiring a connection. There’s more there – a lot more –
emotions, feelings. personalities, commitment, and faithfulness. But that also
means the daily process of growing with your spouse and growing with God is an
exponentially more blessed way. So, whether you are married, were married, or
may one day become married – may you have an even greater blessing and hope in
the deep commitment of Jesus, your Savior from sin. Amen.
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